Ten Things You Didn't Know About Me

I’m normally a pretty open book, but since this is my blog- aka basically the only diary I’ve had since I was 12- I’m gonna give you the real juice. The stuff that no one knows.

okay, maybe ONE person knows. But, hey. My husband is my bestie- he gets all the juice.

!. When I find a song, series or an artist that I like, I listen to/watch them obsessively. I think this is a fairly common thing that people say is like a “deep secret” on a blog- but, I’m telling you… its obsessive. I’m talking from 8 am to 8 pm. Day after day after day after day. It takes me months to get sick of listening to or watching whatever thing I’m fixated on. Recently it’s been Deep Cuts with Hasan Minhaj on Youtube as far as watching goes and Post Malone.

2. I am so hardcore into lists. I’m passionate about them. I have a favorite pen. If I feel overwhelmed- list. If I have a session coming up and I have specific shots or props to remember- list. This blog post- list. This benefits me most of the time, but I also have accidentally developed an auto-pilot setting in which I just write snippets of thoughts on post-its that make literally 0 sense. The other day I found a post-it that just said “fb live”. Another that says “hashtags o”… thats nothing!
* bonus: my favorite pen is a G2. So smooth writing, not too inky. This isn’t a paid ad, I just really love G2’s.

3. I have Epilepsy.
I don’t talk about this often. When I was 16, I had a series of 3 seizures out of nowhere, was diagnosed and haven’t had an issue with it since! I am sensitive to some flashing but mostly will just get headaches and stare off into space a lot (did you know that’s a seizure for some people? Read about it here)

4. I used to be really in love with posed, studio style newborn photography. At first I hated it- because I didn’t know how to do it. Bonus fact, I used to struggle a lot with realizing that I wouldn’t be good at stuff right away. Anyway, I figured out how to do it. Then, I also figured out how to do candid/lifestyle. The good stuff that you get to share with people when you’re not spending any time posing them- or their baby- is what gets me goin’ every day. It was really difficult for me to come to terms with that, because I have worked really hard and for a really long time to teach myself how to “specialize” in it. But, I realized that I can say my specialty is ANYTHING, I can say it as much as I want… that doesn’t actually make it my specialty. If it doesn’t show passion. If I’m exhausted while I’m planning, setting up, talking myself into shooting, and having to actually talk myself into putting away my studio stuff because my body is just done…it’s just not me. I’m not gonna spend my life talking myself into wanting to do stuff. I’m just gonna adapt and change up the way I do it.

5. I’m above average at portrait drawing. I don’t actually like to do it- because it’s frustrating and takes a looong time, but I have been practicing since I was about 12. 14 years of practice should hopefully bring me close to being good at it. There’s a huge catch, though. I can only draw something worthwhile if I’m completely inspired and in the mood to do so. Aka I never draw. Any fellow artists that can relate?

6. People who know me in real life absolutely know this- people who follow me on Instagram and watch my stories are beginning to see- I am obsessed with lip syncing. If I’m in a good mood, Celine Dion is playing super loudly and I’m lip syncing into a thumb microphone. My timing is impeccable, and my pitch is un-matched. Its the fastest way to put me in a good mood.

7. I used to not talk about my feelings…like at all. It was super unhealthy. I honestly don’t remember when it changed but I do remember meeting one of my very best friends Amy, we used to sit in my dad’s broken, empty hot tub for 6 hours and just talk and talk and talk. She was the first person to show me that opening up was not only okay, it was good. That’s exactly what I live by now, almost to an annoying point. I feel better when I share my feelings. I keep myself balanced by talking through my emotions. Which brings me to my next fun fact!

8. I struggle with mental illness. I am diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar 2 disorder. I say struggle because, although not every day is 100% bad- it’s difficult to do most things. Behind the scenes I have to work really hard to get out of bed some days. I brush my teeth, I shower, but I have to work REALLY hard to be able to do it. Sometimes, parts of it are debilitating. For example, the driving anxiety. Some days, I wake up and I’m good to go. Not an issue, driving is inconvenient but not scary. Other times… Like, if it’s raining or snowing heavily- I’m not driving. or sometimes I wake up and can feel the panic immediately and I know that I wont be driving that day. I think that my traveling/driving fear is the hardest part of my mental illness. I want so badly to shoot beautiful new locations. I want to go to New York, California, Utah, Iceland, Ireland, even just 3 hours north to Petoskey to shoot. Right now, that isn’t possible for me. I’m working on it.

9. I didn’t know I had curly hair until about 3 months ago. I was complaining about how not great I felt because my hair couldn’t do anything without being styled. It was a broom like, slightly wavy, course ass MESS. I couldn’t do anything to tame the puffy frizz. I tried conditioning, I tried protein, I tried…well, that’s about it. Different conditioners lol. THATS ALL I KNEW! Anyway, my friend recommended the Curly Girl Method to me- I did a LOT of research, threw out my shampoo, hair brushes, and adapted a whole new routine for washing and styling. I’m finally loving my hair for the first time ever! YAY ME

10. I’ve been saying that I can’t wait to be 30 for about 8 years now, and the closer I get (I’m 26)(like freshly), the more comfortable in my skin I get. The more sure of myself I get. I’m getting more familiar with learning and failing, I’m trying my hardest to remember that everyone doesn’t hate me and even if they did, it wouldn’t necessarily matter. Eh, I’m getting there.